Taking a step back from the week. I’m not going to write about everything that’s going on. Not explicitly, at least. I’m going to write more about being at the studio and what that is reflecting back to me about the present moment.
After setting the mic levels, the first thing I do when I’m recording is setting the BPM, or beats per minute, which dictates the tempo of the track. I record the guitar listening to the metronome or “click track,” which makes it easier to record other tracks in time with one another. I can’t speak for other musicians, but for me this can be hugely challenging. I find myself rushing or lagging at different parts of the song, and have to balance playing naturally with keeping as close as possible to the beat. Most of the time I piece together some “close enough” takes while playing to the click and can move on from there.
The other day, I was at the studio recording a new song called “The Empire.” It’s a finger-picking song that requires additional attention and dexterity, and since the studio heater has slight hum, I turn it off while I’m recording, so within minutes my hands were freezing. I found myself getting really stuck as I was recording that first guitar track. I was past the usual re-calibrating period I need when I start playing my songs to a metronome (definitely not something I practice!) – I simply couldn’t get a feel for the song with that intrusive click.
So I went against best practices and turned off the click track. Immediately I felt myself relax, physically and psychically, and felt the song flow out of my cold fingers without hindrance. Once I could set the pace, everything changed.
This has been one hard week out of many hard weeks. I don’t need to talk about all the reasons here, because I’m sure you see them every time you open your phone. I have been reading the lists of actions to take, taking one or two every day and sharing about it to help give others ideas, because I do believe many of us doing these things regularly matters. My routines have included much more reading, thinking, writing, calling on a regular basis.
I have also noticed that with all of this activity, it is harder for me to fully step away and reclaim my headspace, unless I am in that flow state of making music. And as a full-time music therapist in addition to songwriter, I do need some time away from music as well.
I am thinking back to that day playing “The Empire” because I am aware in this moment that as much information as we are able to access about what’s going on and what we can do – maybe too much at times – there is nothing out there that will tell us when it’s time to slow down or take a break. There is nothing external that we can we can use to determine our natural pace.
If you were to slow down and analyze that guitar track, there would be uneven eighth notes, differing subdivisions of the beat – clusters of notes that are closer together or more spaced out within the fingerpicking pattern. I see that as a metaphor for existing in this place of resistance. I am finding myself slowing down and taking extra pauses moving through my day, which I need after some time stretching myself to fit more actions into my routines. I am turning off the click track and finding that I am not grinding to a halt, but moving forward in a more embodied and intuitive way.
I’ve recently found a lot of comfort in the phrase “do the next right thing.” The next right thing might be making a phone call or signing a petition. It might also be taking a nap or going for a walk. There is a part of “The Empire” where I talk about going to the local art galleries and pausing to attend to a visual experience. The next right thing is whatever moves you forward.
If you need permission to turn off the click track, here it is. Make space for your gentle as well as your fierce. All of you is welcome and needed.
Upcoming shows:
TONIGHT! Saturday 2/15, 7-9 pm: Kings Tavern
Saturday 3/29, 7 pm: “Sunlight Returning” at The Gem. Tickets:
