Lessons My Neuroses Have Taught Me
If I rake my fingernails across my scalp
you will not be mad at me
If I pick at every imperfection on my face
I will be good enough for you
If I finish my plate, the box, the bag, the container,
you will not be disappointed with me
If I stay out of the way, no questions, no arguments,
you will be happy
If I don’t talk,
I will not hurt you
If I don’t ask for anything,
I will not burden you
If I sit quietly without resistance,
I will absorb all of your upset
If I dig my fingernail beneath the other
until each has a sharp, red half-circle,
If I scrape myself clean of scabs
from scraping myself clean of scabs
from scraping, until I am raw with guilt,
If I shrink my insides, grow small in my skin
until I can swallow it all, absorb every ounce
of sadness, disappointment,
every fault you feed me,
until I am gorged with shame,
you will know that I love you.